Why it's worth doing properly
Nobody enjoys this part, but a clear, kind answer is always better than silence.
On Plenty More Fish you'll see lots of single people near you, and it's natural to chat to a few at once. When one of them stands out, the others deserve to know where they stand. Being kind is one of the site's community rules: if someone who isn't your type gets in touch, let them down respectfully. And how you do it depends mostly on how well you know each other.
If you've only been messaging
A short, friendly message is all that's needed.
If you've only chatted on the site, it's fine to let them know the same way. Thank them, be honest, and wish them well. For example:
"It's been really nice chatting to you, but I don't think we're the right match. I wanted to let you know rather than just going quiet. Good luck with your search."
If you'd rather not write it yourself, the one-click replies let you say no politely in a single tap.
After one date
Send a message or give them a call soon afterwards, rather than leaving them wondering.
If the spark wasn't there, there's no point wasting your time or theirs. Keep it simple and avoid picking holes in the date itself. For example:
"Thank you for meeting up. I really enjoyed chatting, but I didn't feel the connection I'm looking for. I wanted to be honest with you, and I hope you find who you're looking for."
After a few dates
Once you've met two, three or four times, a phone call is the respectful thing to do.
This is the hardest one. Take a deep breath and pick up the phone. It might feel awkward for a few minutes, but they'll almost certainly appreciate knowing, and it lets them move on far more easily than a message that never comes.
A few things that help
- Be honest, but keep it short. You don't need to list reasons. "I didn't feel the connection" is enough.
- Make it about you, not them. Avoid criticising their looks, their profile or how the date went.
- Don't leave the door half open. Saying "maybe one day" when you mean no only makes it harder for them.
- Don't feel you have to keep talking. If they reply angrily or try to change your mind, you don't owe them a debate. If someone won't take no for an answer, you can report them using the report button on their profile.
Please don't ghost
Disappearing without a word might feel easier, but it leaves the other person confused and hurt.
Members who reliably reply to messages earn the Anti-Ghosting badge on their profile, so other members can see they're considerate. Treat people the way you'd want to be treated: you'd rather know than be left wondering, so give others the same respect.
New to the language of modern dating? Our guide to online dating lingo explains ghosting and more. And when you do meet someone you'd like to see again, try one of our first date ideas that actually work.