Why "Hi" isn't enough
A one-word opener gives the other person nothing to reply to.
"Hey, how are you?" is the message everyone expects, and answering the same small talk over and over gets tiring fast. A message that shows you've actually looked at their profile stands out straight away, and it's much easier to answer.
Start with their profile
The best opening line is usually a question about something they've shared.
Look through their photos and what they've written. A holiday snap, a hobby, a pet, a favourite film: pick one thing and ask about it with an open question, one that can't be answered with just yes or no.
- Instead of "Nice photo", try "That beach looks amazing. Where was it, and would you go back?"
- Instead of "You like cooking?", try "What's the dish you're proudest of?"
You can also get a feel for someone from their posts on the discovery feed or in Articles & Spaces. Commenting on something they've written is a natural way to say hello.
Questions for when their profile is a bit bare
Not everyone fills in their profile fully. These work for almost anyone.
- Is there anything you've learned lately that you could talk about for hours?
- What's a book or film that really stayed with you?
- What's been the best part of your week so far?
- What's something you're looking forward to this year?
- What are you hoping to find on here? It's a great question for knowing where you stand early on.
Keep it going
A good conversation is a two-way street.
- Share as well as ask. Answer your own question too, so it feels like a chat rather than an interview.
- A genuine compliment goes a long way. Something about their interests, their humour or their dog will land better than a comment on their looks.
- Reply when you can. Members who reliably reply earn the Anti-Ghosting badge, and it's a big part of what makes people want to keep talking to you.
- Suggest meeting when it feels right. If you're getting on well, there's no need to message for weeks. Our first date ideas can help.
Not getting replies? Make sure your own profile gives people something to talk about. Our tips in My online dating profile: nailed it! will help.
And if a conversation isn't going anywhere, it's fine to wrap it up kindly. Here's how to let someone down gently.