What is a situationship?
It's the grey area between dating and being a couple: you spend time together, but nobody has put a name on it.
Situationships can be fun and easy-going, and for some people that's exactly what they want. The trouble starts when one of you wants more. If you often find yourself wondering "what are we?", it's worth looking honestly at the signs, before you're in deeper than the other person.
The signs to look for
- There's no consistency. You never quite know when you'll next hear from them or see them. They can be warm one week and distant the next.
- You don't talk about the future. Not years ahead, just the next few weeks: a trip, a gig, meeting each other's friends. If plans never go beyond this weekend, it may be a sign they aren't thinking long term.
- They've told you they're not looking for anything serious. Believe them. It's tempting to think you can change someone's mind, but taking people at their word saves a lot of heartache.
- The connection feels surface-level. You have fun together, but you don't really know each other, or you don't feel close beyond the time you spend together.
What to do if it sounds familiar
Ask the question. It might feel daunting, but it's the only way to know where you stand.
Choose a relaxed moment and keep it simple, for example: "I've really enjoyed getting to know you, and I'd like to see where this goes. How do you feel about it?" Their answer, and how comfortable they are giving one, will tell you a lot.
If you both want the same thing, brilliant. If not, it's far better to find out now. If you decide to step back, our tips on letting someone down gently will help you do it kindly.
Start as you mean to go on. Being clear on your profile about whether you're looking for friendship, fun or something serious helps you meet people who want the same thing from the start.
Heard of breadcrumbing, orbiting or the slow fade? They often come with situationships. Our guide to online dating lingo explains them all.